I’m finally on a computer, typing furiously before our son wakes up and we go for another round of trying to get Will to consume as much milk as possible before he falls asleep again. The compulsion to write down and remember these few early moments is a little stronger than the desire to sleep (oh wow, sleep) or eat at the moment.
No time for drafting here, just some unedited photos and unedited thoughts.
There was a moment when I was laboring with Will that I thought I could not possibly be a mother, the pain was so intense and overwhelming, I was afraid I would associate motherhood with that pain. Then out he came and the whole world changed. Happy isn’t the right word for it. It’s something better.
It’s such an intense feeling of purpose and duty and blessing that it makes me cry sometimes. It’s this feeling that I’ve got this perfect little baby in this imperfect world and I’ll be damned if I wouldn’t do anything to make it a better place for him. The feeling that I’m just the luckiest girl in the world to have a baby like Will and a husband like Chris. The feeling that I have so much and I never want to lose them or let them out of my sight. (I have though, obviously let them out of my sight. Chris and I actually left the house alone for 2 hours yesterday while my mom watched him sleep. I cried leaving him but I’m glad we did it.)
Will looks like Chris. We think he’s got a hint of Asian around the eyes and his nose and cheeks are definitely Chris’ nose and cheeks. I love watching them together. Chris likes to hold him up close and whisper in his ears about all of his big plans for him. He’s also far better at burping him than I am and whenever I need him in the middle of the night to help with a diaper change or help me rearrange my tower of pillows mid-feeding, he jumps right up as if he hadn’t just been sound asleep.
We took Will to the doctor two days ago. When they called his name to come back for his appointment both Chris and I paused for a second before we realized they were calling for our baby. And then we got all giddy because there’s something about hearing a complete stranger ask for your child by name that makes you remember that he’s a real live person now. His doctor is one of my friend’s dads and he is probably the nicest doctor I’ve ever met. He said Will looked good and had already gained back his birth weight and then some by the appointment. Since he came out a little on the small side (6 pounds 5 oz) and had some trouble breast-feeding the first day, his super fast weight gain made us really happy. Doc called him an over-achiever. 🙂
On less serious notes:
I never understood parents who can’t help but brag about their kid’s totally ordinary accomplishments but now I get it. It’s hard to resist the urge to write hear about how perfect our kid is in every way. And of course, he is perfect to us, but I’m vaguely aware that I may not be a totally unbiased judge. On the other hand, let me tell you: our son is a champion pooper and boober. He’s also good with tummy time so far, turning his head from side to side without much fuss.
So far, Will has a sort of zen about him. Oh sure he fusses when he’s hungry and can’t figure out how to get his hands out of the way of his mouth but for the most part he likes just chilling out and looking around at the world with his big blue eyes. Sometimes he has such a skeptical look on his face like “what the heck is this place and what are you people doing to me?” And I gotta say, if I had people constantly shoving boobs in my face and changing my diaper all the time, I might feel the same way.
Will also has an awesome poop face. I’m still trying to capture it on camera.
I’m still working on writing down the night/day of Will’s birth but I’ll get to it because I want to remember it. For now let me just say that, for all of my “why do people blow up labor and delivery into such a magical la la moment?” it was actually a big deal to me. Hands down the most painful experience of my life but also one of the most wonderful. Getting to finally hold Will and all of those rushing endorphines made for a something of a seriously positive experience. In many ways, it was much, much less painful that the first few days learning how to breast-feed while sitting on fresh stitches down you-know-where.
Remember when I was being all frugal about this baby? Yea, not so much anymore. I sent Chris to Target on like day 3 to raid the baby aisle for more shirts, more swaddling blankets, more lanolin, more everything. We’re on our way out now to buy our son something called a “snuzzler” in order to take him for a walk in his stroller. You know you are a new parent when you don’t mind being covered in poo and you don’t blink at paying 20 bucks for something with as ridiculous a name as a snuzzler. True story.
Babies smell really really good. More later.